


Secrets

by Mystery__Spot



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Episode Related, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M, No Beta Here, S04E01 Coda, S04E02 Coda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:56:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29519124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystery__Spot/pseuds/Mystery__Spot
Summary: Buck rolled his eyes as he thought about the teasing over his supposed ‘covid crush’. He wasn't lying when he said he doesn’t have a secret. It wasn’t a Covid crush. It wasn’t like that at all. He knew that Chim and the others thought he had someone, but he really didn’t.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	1. The New Abnormal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fernnette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fernnette/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I do not own 911 or the characters on the show. I just live vicariously through them. 
> 
> Special Thanks to Fernnette for pulling me kicking and screaming into this fandom until I finally caved and was all in. 
> 
> Of course, I decided to do a coda for season 4 as my first fic. Everything prior to season 4 happened as is, and I am really hoping that I can keep this as close to canon as possible. I rated this as General, but I am sure there will be eventual smut. I will change the rating as needed as their relationship grows. I hope you enjoy my take on how Buddie begins in Season 4.

**BUCK**

Buck loved his sister, and Chim was already considered to be Buck’s chosen family. Now that Maddie and Chim were having a baby, they were so ridiculously sweet while talking on Zoom that Buck was just a little envious of their relationship. Chim was like that brother who made bad jokes but somehow still managed to make everyone laugh. Sometimes. Most of the time, Chim’s jokes were met with groans and eyerolls. Buck couldn’t decide if he needed to laugh or groan loudly and eyeroll dramatically at the absurdity of their current situation. Seriously, people move in together to actually live together. Except Chim and Maddie. They moved in with each other and got pregnant just as a pandemic fell upon the Earth. Then, Chim decided to move in with Buck to be safe leaving Buck’s sister to live with Albert.

Stupid Covid.

Buck adjusted to life in a pandemic as well as expected. He missed seeing Christopher the most, but lately they’ve been able to together more often. And when they couldn’t, Buck and Christopher would get online together and play video games while on Zoom. It wasn’t the same, and it sucked, but Buck and Eddie were trying their best to keep the little man safe.

He had to admit that his job made it easier in some ways because he was constantly on the go and wasn’t stuck at home alone with all the time in the world to think about how everything was falling apart. However, the other side of that coin was that he also witnessed a lot of sick people having to be transported to the hospital. Alone. That part sucked the most. Buck just didn’t like that people were having to live, and die, alone. It was one of those things that kept him awake at night. They took a lot of covid related calls since the lockdown. They had responded to way too many cooking related house fires since the lockdown because people were trying to bake more, apparently. Buck decided that people ate out way too much based on the way kitchen fires have spiked. Who knew people could bond over something as simple as banana bread?

At the end of day though, Buck was thankful that he was able to help when he could and go home at the end of the day.

With Chim.

Buck enjoyed having Chim around since he already considered him family. They already knew each other really well from sharing shifts at the 118 so sharing space together in Buck’s home wasn’t that much of a hardship; however, he knew that his sister needed Chim, but he had lost his damn mind and was staying away from Maddie because of Covid. Buck got it. He did. As a first responder, he knew just how serious the Covid situation was. He also knew, just as Chim did, that people were taking precautions and staying safe while living with their families. Hen and Karen had stayed away from their children for a while but had decided that it was safe enough to be with their children again as long as they were taking all the necessary precautions.

Buck tuned out the end of Chim and Maddie’s call as he finished getting ready. He was so happy that Maddie had Chim, and he made her so happy. Maddie deserved all the happiness after everything she had been through with Doug. Buck could tell Chim adored Maddie and wanted nothing more than to love and protect her.

Honestly, he was surrounded by solid couples. Bobby and Athena were great for each other. Buck loved it when Athena came to the station. They may have had a rocky start when they first met, but he was glad they had worked everything out. It would have made his friendship with Bobby awkward if he hadn’t been able to win her over. Then, there was Hen who had Karen, and their little family was growing, too. They all gave him hope that one day he would find his own happy ever after. But if he never found someone for himself, maybe they would all let him have a little place in their families. Like how Eddie let him be in Christopher’s life.

Buck rolled his eyes as he thought about the teasing over his supposed ‘covid crush’. He wasn't lying when he said he doesn’t have a secret. It wasn’t a Covid crush. It wasn’t like that at all. He knew that Chim and the others thought he had someone, but he really didn’t. If only Abby...

Nope, he wasn’t going to think of Abby in terms of “if only...”. It had been months since he last saw her, and he was doing well with how they ended it. Not that they had anything to end. It was more like having closure. Honestly, he was surprisingly happy that she was happy. He’d had a lot of extra time to think these days, and he was slowly working through some things about himself. He also realized that they were what each other needed when they were together, until they weren’t anymore. He realized that now. Looking back, he should have realized the truth of their relationship, or lack thereof, way before being hit smack dab in the face with it in the form of a train wreck.

Once Buck had some distance and perspective, he could admit to himself that what he had once felt for Abby had dimmed. He absolutely would have fallen right back into a relationship with her if she had come back to him as she had promised she would. Instead, she had found someone else. Someone who, Buck had to also admit to himself, seemed to love her dearly.

He was slowly realizing how much he hated being alone. That was why it kept him awake at night thinking about all the people they help get to the hospital just to die alone. He didn’t want that to be him.

He understood that he really wasn’t alone. Not really. He had a lot of people who cared about him. A person couldn’t be a part of the 118 crew without being pulled into their makeshift family.

Knowing this still didn’t quiet his mind. He still worried about what would happen if he wasn’t a part of the 118. Would they all drift apart as their lives carried on without the shared space of the firehouse? He feared deep down that at some point, someone would retire or move on and once again he would be left alone. He would never admit this aloud because he understood how desperate it made him sound... but as ecstatic as he was that Maddie and Chim were together, because it made Maddie so happy after the hell Doug had put her through, he was grateful for the actual tie to the 118 outside of the job.

More than that though, watching Chim and Maddie together, made Buck want something like that. He was tired of being alone, and soon he was going to have a little baby niece or nephew he could spoil. Buck honestly couldn’t wait to be an uncle. He also couldn’t wait to introduce Christopher to the baby! Imagining his niece or nephew with his favorite little dude, Chris, put a huge smile on Buck's face as he gathered up everything he needed for the day.

Buck chuckled to himself a little as he locked his front door on his way to work. He didn’t have a covid crush, and he knew that the was going to have to come clean soon. He just didn’t want to answer all the questions that he knew would come at him if they knew the truth about his ‘covid crush’.

***********

**EDDIE**

Eddie was just arriving at the 118 as another tremor hit. Chim and Hen were checking supplies and inventory on the truck. He really hoped today wasn’t going to be too bad, but he also knew that with the tremors happening as frequently as they were that they would be busy. Hen was speculating on whether the latest tremor was a four as he walked by. They were looking up at the light fixtures, and he found himself looking up there too saying, “Eh, it felt like a dud. I wouldn’t put it any more than a three.”

Looking down from where he was perched on the firetruck toward where Buck was leaned against another truck, Chim said “Hey, no cheating.”

Eddie sat down his bag as he neared Buck who stared at the phone in his hand. “Caltech’s been tracking microquakes the last few days. Thousands of them.” Eddie watched as Buck continued to study his phone and the Caltech stats with a laser focus.

“That didn’t feel micro to me.” Bobby said as he walked by them both. Eddie glanced up at the ceiling again and wondered if maybe he should be more concerned about the tremors. Eddie moved closer to Buck and tried to read the screen that he was studying. He couldn’t make out much about on the screen, but as he leaned in toward Buck, he caught the scent that he had come to associate with Buck...

It was such a clean smell. Like he was fresh from a shower. It was a crisp, clean, soap smell that reminded Eddie of freshly laundered sheets. There was also this woodsy smell, just a hint of it, that Eddie could never really place but really smelled nice. He thought maybe it was possibly aftershave. Or was it was his shampoo?

He heard Hen clear her throat, and it broke the trance he was in with that smell that sometimes haunted him.

Eddie backed up a bit as Buck turned toward him with a big smile and said, “I can’t believe they can track these like this.” Buck holds out his phone toward Eddie for a second before he pockets it. “But I agree with what Capt said. They’re getting stronger. I get the notifications.” Buck straightened up and Eddie picked up his bag. They began to make their way toward the common area. “So...how’s Christopher?”

“He’s good. He was a little off this morning with some of the tremors we’re having but he was ok when I dropped him off.” Eddie grabbed Buck’s arm. “Hey, do you want to come hang out tonight? I was just going to do something easy for dinner...quesadilla's...and I have plenty of beer in the fridge too.”

“Sure...Um...Maybe Chris and I can play a few games?” Buck looked so damn hopeful. Eddie rolled his eyes even though he loved that his best friend and his son got along so well.

Eddie reassured Buck with fond smile. “Yes, Buck. You can come over and play video games with Chris.”

Eddie had trouble denying Buck much of anything. It was a problem, but one that he refused to think on too hard.

Much like how he refused to think about why Buck smelled so good. His eyes found Hen’s curious eyes like she knew a secret. Just then the alarm sounded, and Eddie was grateful for it. He wasn’t ready to think about Buck’s clean scent or Hen’s knowing looks.

\---

“That does not go there.”

Chim had a way with words.

He also wasn’t wrong.

There was a bus that appeared to have crashed into the side of the building. Except...that it was on an upper floor. The water from the dam had somehow managed to crash the bus into the upper floor of the office building. After gathering their gear, they all headed toward the elevator.

Eddie and Buck remained on the elevator together as the others exited the elevator on the floor with the bus. Buck had told the team about all the water the Hollywood Reservoir held and wondered where over two billion gallons of water was going to go before Hen told a story about how her mother survived a dam break in the 60’s. Everyone in the elevator agreed with her assessment that water just wants to go out to sea, expect for Buck. Eddie could feel the worry rolling off him in waves about all the water.

“Hey, at least it’s not a tsunami.” Eddie tried to reassure Buck. He didn’t think it worked based on the incredulous look Buck gave him as the elevators closed.

“Wha...Why would you even bring that up? Now?” Buck said with a scowl. Now Eddie felt bad for bringing it up because he meant it as ‘hey, look at the bright side. It could be worse’ and not in the ‘let me remind you of that horrifying experience that you had with my son that possibly has made you forever fear water for the rest of your life’ kind of way.

Eddie shrugged and turned toward Buck and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Buck, this is not a tsunami. We are also not in the pathway of the water. Remember what Hen just said...the water is headed to sea.”

Buck took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and nodded. “You’re right. I just...ya know, I am still working on some of those things.” Buck opened his eyes and gave Eddie a bright smile as they arrived at their stop. “Time to save people from a bus stuck in a building. Man, do we have some stories to tell the grandkids when we get older.”

Buck exited the elevator as Eddie blinked after him. Eddie didn’t have time to dissect that offhand comment from Buck, because there was a bus stuck in a building. Because why wouldn’t there be.

The team got into the zone and worked well together. Communication was key and after a few extreme tense moments, the bus was evacuated. Eddie was on the roof for most of it and heard the panic in Buck’s voice when he went searching the bus for Bobby and the passenger. Eddie felt a moment of apprehension until it was confirmed that the Captain was safe, as well as the passenger. He found out after the fact that Buck went rushing onto the bus to get them off as it exploded, and Eddie was thankful that they all survived and walked away. CJ, the passenger, was a hero as far as the team was concerned and Captain protected him the only way he could while understanding CJ’s challenges.

Buck didn’t talk about his parents at all, and Eddie was curious about them. Eddie saw the way Buck looked to Captain Bobby in a way that broke Eddie’s heart sometimes at how Buck seemed to just want the approval of the Captain. It made Eddie want to do things like give him hugs, and while Buck was an affectionate person at heart, Eddie held back a lot. It was becoming increasingly difficult to hold back and ignore the feelings of protectiveness that he felt toward Buck. Most of the time, he could ignore it. He had enough distractions in his life to help him focus on things not related to one Evan ‘Buck’ Buckley. He just found himself often wanting to reassure the other man whenever he was worried, but he managed to squash the instinct with Buck. Most of the time. Sometimes, it just happened without Eddie really realizing it until after the fact.

Eddie blamed it on the tsunami. The fear that choked him sometimes at how close he had been to losing his son, Christopher, had also snuck up on him when realized how close he came to also losing Buck. Eddie can’t really separate the two since the fear seemed to be intertwined together around his heart, and it was inconceivable to think about life without either of them in it. Eddie just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t have one without the other. What that meant for Eddie was something that he just continued to ignore because Buck needed him. As a friend.

He really tried not to overanalyze it. And if he did overanalyze it in the darkest hours of the night when he was all alone and could either ignore it the next morning or chalk it up to weird dreams then that was his business.

No one ever had to know the secrets that were locked up tight and buried behind a wall in the deep recesses of his mind and heart.

Another quake happened, and the team was called out on a call regarding the Hollywood sign. Eddie looked up toward the sky and silently nodded toward the universe telling him that his walls were close to crumbling down just like that sign.

He shook off those disturbing realizations as he straightened up his shoulders and got back to work.

Dealing with breaking dams and crumbling signs were easier than dealing with the feelings that Eddie determinedly ignored. Symbolism be damned.


	2. Alone Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! First of all, thank you to all who have read the first chapter and left Kudos or comments. I appreciate you.
> 
> I have decided to just upload this chapter as it is because I keep adding to it every time I read over it. My goal is to post weekly, and I really want to keep to that schedule; although, I would love to get caught up so I can write about "Jinx". My goal is to post every Sunday evening before the new episode, so I am hoping to have Chapter 3 up this coming Sunday. Until then, hope you enjoy this chapter. xoxo

**EDDIE**

Eddie didn’t like this situation at all. Looking around the hillside, he was ready to do what they needed to do and get the hell off this hill. He started walking toward Hen and Bobby who were talking to Miranda about current search and rescue efforts and the path forward.

Eddie was ready to get down to business, but he really wanted to know one thing first...

“Should we be worried about more of that hill coming down?” Eddie pointed back toward the hill as he asked what he felt like was the most pressing question of the moment. They were faced with dangerous situations almost daily. It went with the job. But he also didn’t want a whole hillside to come down on top of him and everyone else.

He really wasn’t reassured with Bobby’s response, either. “Yeah, we work quick; we work safe; we hope for the best.” Bobby turned back toward Miranda and asked, “Where do you want us?”

Looking up the hill, she said, “The Hollywood sign.”

They all turned to look in the direction of the Hollywood sign. Eddie stared up at the sign with his hands on his hips as Buck frowned, “Where’s the rest of it?”

The H was missing.

“Downhill.” Miranda said. She went on to explain how there were some hikers in the area where the H fell. Bobby told Chim and Buck to stay behind and help search for survivors as Bobby, Hen, and Eddie prepared to head toward the downed location of the H.

Eddie glanced over at Buck as he was preparing for his search and rescue mission. Buck and Chim were becoming pretty close friends, which made sense, but Eddie still felt a pang in his chest that he ignored because he was not going to be jealous of Chim. Buck was still his best friend, and that wouldn’t change no matter who lived with Buck. But what if Buck found a better friend in Chim? He was going to be the father of Buck’s niece or nephew. Eddie shook off those ridiculous thoughts and ignored the pang in his chest again, aggressively stuffed some gear in a bag, and just told himself to concentrate on the job and not the irrational pangs of his damn heart.

Bobby, Hen, and Eddie took off hiking to locate the four-story tall H. Bobby kept the conversation flowing with facts about the sign, but Eddie was just trying to find the H and ignore stupid heart pangs while Hen was encouraging Bobby’s retelling of tourist guide facts. Was it just this morning that Eddie was thinking about the symbolism of the walls around his heart crumbling down like this hillside? Eddie needed to fortify his walls and get it together. He couldn’t handle his panging heart.

Eddie blamed that damn train wreck, and Abby, for lifting the fog so he could see his friendship with Buck clearly. Eddie had to admit that actually seeing Abby, and Buck’s reaction to her, was enough for him to believe that they had had a real connection once. Until she left Buck to traipse around the world falling in love with someone else. Abby took up residence in Buck’s heart, and he had been thrown for a loop when Abby showed up again with a fiancé.

Buck had showed up at his door after the train wreck and crashed in Eddie’s guest bedroom after drinking way more than he should have, but Eddie hadn’t had the heart to stop him. He had a weak spot for Buck and couldn’t stand it when the younger man was unhappy.

Buck had ended up crashing at Eddie’s in his guest bedroom several nights a week, and Eddie had enjoyed it. Too much. Mainly, because of how domestic it all had been. Eddie found himself wishing for someone to share his life with, and he is ashamed at how long it took Eddie to realize that every time he envisioned little ordinary domestic scenes, they all starred Buck.

Eddie forced those images away from his mind as he tried to focus on the tourist information that Bobby was gifting them with for free.

They finally walked up on the giant H with hikers were right there. That was easy enough.

Until one of the hikers waved from where he was sinking into mud.

Why did he think this was going to be easy?

They decided the best approach was to use plywood on the ground so they could get near the hiker. Eddie was certain they would get the guy out of the mud alive.

Well, he was mostly certain.

Eddie tried to dig the guy out while the three roommates argued. He did agree with the guy about 2020 being a dumpster fire. It had been difficult to try to maintain some kind of normalcy for Christopher during all the shutdowns, but he had managed. He had to because Christopher still dealt with bad dreams from the tsunami from time to time. Now, Eddie had his stupid feelings to deal with. Well, he would shove those feelings down. He couldn’t afford to feel them about his best friend.

Eddie really needed to concentrate on doing his job and rescuing Dylan from this mud.

Eddie and Hen looked at each other briefly with concern. They knew they were running out of time. They were trying to figure this out and the three hikers were just arguing. It was really grating on Eddie’s nerves, and he could tell that Bobby was tired of their bickering because he brought out the dad voice. Bobby had a serious dad voice. Eddie has heard it directed at Buck several times.

Eddie never was one to sugar coat things so when the guy said he was drowning, he told him that he wasn’t because the mud was too dense. However, the more he struggled the deeper he would sink and that would make it harder for them to get him out.

Eddie really hated mud.

Eddie was usually good about thinking fast and being about to remain calm in high pressure situations. They decided they needed something to support Dylan’s entire body as they lifted him out of the mud. There was a metal ladder on the H and they decided to use it to lever the guy out, Eddie really loved using the power tools to cut through metal, and he couldn’t wait to tell Buck he used the power tools.

Eddie worked through cutting the ladder from the H, while he thought about how pissed Buck was going to be when he found out that he had gotten to use the metal cutters. Eddie had to admit that thought brought a smile to his face.

Eddie brought over the ladder from the H once he cut through the metal and started to place it in the mud behind Dylan so they could leverage him out of the mud. The situation got even more mucked up when Dylan’s best friend’s girlfriend professed her love for Dylan.

Eddie seriously could not deal with this shit.

Everything seemed to freeze as everyone was shocked at the confession, but time was running out for the guy so with an eyeroll and a grunt Eddie braced himself to lift this guy out of the mud. They got him out safely just as Eddie was sure that they would. Eddie wiped his brow with the back of his hand and decided to text Buck.

He pulled out his phone and pulled up Buck’s message thread. With a huge grin, he typed out his message to Buck.

Text Msg to Buck: I got to cut metal to save this hiker from drowning in mud.

Buck hated it when he missed tool action. With a smirk, Eddie pocketed his phone.

Hen walked over to where Eddie was waiting for the helicopter to arrive. He looked up as she cleared her throat.

Damn Hen and her knowing looks.

***********

**BUCK**

Buck hated being separated from the rest of the team, but he knew that everyone had a job to do during disasters such as this. He was paired off with Chim, and they walked through the muddy neighborhood searching for survivors. Many houses were buried, or partially buried, with only a roof showing above the mud. It was discouraging when they found a man lying in the mud without a pulse. All they could do was mark it and continue looking for others. They had no choice really.

Buck hated when they couldn’t save someone. He looked around the muddy landscape and wondered how many people could literally be buried alive. Alone. Buck felt bumps goose up on his skin as he shook off the disturbing thoughts of people dying in the tombs of their own homes or encased in the heavy mud. They had to keep searching.

He figured he would be hoarse later from yelling “LAFD” over and over. He wondered how they were going to hear anyone through all the mud. Would they even hear anyone yelling for help from inside any of the buried homes?

Chim stopped him. “Do you hear that?" They both looked around as they listened quietly.

Buck heard the faint cry. It was most definitely a baby. They both rushed to where the cry was coming from, and frantically began removing debris only to find a baby monitor. They continued to look around for any sign of the baby. It was most certainly a real baby, and they had no clue where to begin searching.

They determined that the baby had to be near the transmitter. They just needed to figure out where the transmitter was. Buck was actually pretty impressed by the power of the baby monitor and decided that he was going to get Maddie and Chim one just like it if it helped them find the baby.

The situation was also making Buck think that Chim was worried he was going to be a horrible dad. Which was ridiculous. He was also realizing that Chim went with the worst-case scenario. Every single time. Seriously, he was having a kid with Buck’s sister but living on Buck’s couch. To protect her? Until the world goes back to normal? What if it didn’t go back to normal? Buck wasn’t convinced that it would go back to normal. And if it didn’t, then everyone would have to adapt. Find a new normal while still living their lives.

They continued to walk through the mud surrounding the houses in the area. Buck told Chim that he thought he was going to be a great dad because Chim just wasn’t letting it go. He just didn’t give himself enough credit. Just then the baby monitor started going crazy with interference. “Hey...this has gotta be it!” Buck and Chim both rush toward a roof.

“So, how do we get inside?” Chim asked as Buck was looking at something behind Chim.

“Chimney.”

“What?” Chim was confused...

“Wha...no...that chimney...” Buck frowned and gestured toward the chimney coming from the roof behind Chim. They rushed over to the chimney. After some planning, they gathered the necessary equipment for Chim to shimmy down the chimney and find the baby.

Chim found more than just one baby. He discovered a locked room of pregnant woman including the actual mother of the crying newborn. Between Carol Baskin who totally fed her husband to tigers and Carol the baby stealer, Buck was never going to trust anyone named Carol. Chim radioed that they needed reinforcements, so Buck set out to get the help they needed as well as checking his phone quickly after calling for back-up.

Dammit, Eddie got to use cutting tools! Buck loved using tools. Dammit.

Text Msg to Eddie: Chim went down a chimney, found a locked room of pregnant women who were tricked into selling their babies by Carol the baby thief!

Text Msg From Eddie: On our way. Hey, still want to come over tonight? Looks like it is going to be late when we are done.

Text Msg to Eddie: Yeah. I was hoping to see Chris.

Buck pocketed his phone. Back-up arrived and they managed to get everyone out of the house alive and safe. Except for Carol. Buck only wished they could have found her in time for her to spend actual jail time for tricking those women into giving up their babies.

Buck also got to break out the skylight.

\---

Back at the station, they were all getting ready to head home from their shifts. Chim approached Buck and explained how delivering that baby and hearing the mother talk about her situation made him realize that he had to quit hiding behind a pandemic and be there for Maddie and their baby. Chim was just scared he was going to be like his own father on top of being terrified something bad was going to happen. Buck told him that he was going to make a great dad and the fact that he was worried he wasn’t was proof enough that Chim was going to do the best he could. Also, Maddie was going to be a great mother. Maddie was the best big sister he could have ever had so he wasn’t worried about her mothering skills at all. Buck took a moment to help Chim coordinate getting Albert out of their place and Chim back home to Maddie where he belonged. He wanted it to be a surprise.

Eddie had already left to get Christopher. Buck told him he would be right behind him. When Buck arrived at Eddie’s, he knocked and let himself in through the side door.

“Honey, I’m home!” Buck said. He dropped his keys on the counter.

Eddie greeted Buck with a smile as he wiped his hands on a towel. “Hey, you made it. Do you want to go in the living room with Chris while I finish dinner?”

Buck rubbed his hands together and grinned like the Cheshire cat. “Oh, yeah!” He turned to walk that direction when he turned back to Eddie. “Unless you need help?”

Buck watched as Eddie rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Go play, Buck. Do you want a soda or a beer?”

“Definitely a beer.” Buck walked to the fridge and grabbed a beer. He took a long pull from it. “Today was so crazy. Chim went back home to Maddie.” He leaned up against the counter. “Of course, now I have Albert as a roommate.” He took another long drink. The cool liquid satisfying his thirst as he studied Eddie as he moved around the kitchen. Eddie dropped his spatula. Buck watched as he picked it up and grab a clean one to finish up the quesadillas.

“It’ll be a few minutes before food’s up. Go find Chris and I’ll holler when it is ready.” Buck thought Eddie was acting a little weird but maybe he was just tired.

Buck held his hands up in surrender as he started to back up out of the kitchen. “Okay...Okay...I’ll go...I can tell when I’m not wanted...oof.” Buck started laughing as a towel hit him square in the face.

“Get out of here with that mess, you big goof. Gooo plaaay.” Eddie laughed and caught the towel that Buck through back to him.

Buck found Chris already set up and well into a game when he sat beside him on the couch.

Christopher’s greeting smile lit up Buck’s soul. “Buck! You made it!”

“I did. I think we got a few minutes before your dad yells for us to come eat. Want to play a quick game?” Buck picked up the extra controller as Chris was already resetting the game so they could both could play.

“Prepare to eat my dust.” Chris could be a competitive little shit sometimes when it came to Mario Kart.

Buck loved it. “As if...watch and learn young Padawan as I show you how it's done.” The two concentrated on the game, and Chris barely won as Eddie called them to eat. “We will continue this after dinner!” Buck said as he pointed up toward the ceiling as Chris laughed.

As they sat around the table, they all talked about their day. Chris told about how someone in his class brought cupcakes, ice cream, and juice boxes for their birthday. Eddie and Buck both talk about their day, too, but they don’t give all the details. They try not to share all the gory details of their job. When they were done eating, Eddie went to get Chris ready for bed. Chris protested some because he still wanted to play Mario Kart, but Eddie told him that Buck would come back soon for him to beat.

Buck gasped with a hand over his heart as if Eddie mortally wounded him. “You wound me.”

Eddie just rolled his eyes that was softened by the smile on his face as he ushered Chris out of the dining room. “Let me get Chris in bed...” Eddie peeked back around the corner. “I’ll be back.”

Buck began to clear the table and loaded the dishwasher. He also just went ahead and packed up the leftovers. Chris would probably have them after school tomorrow. Buck wiped down the counters and table, then swept the kitchen and dining area. Eddie hadn’t returned to the kitchen, so Buck decided to sneak down the hall to find Eddie without waking Chris if he was asleep.

Buck felt a little silly creeping down Eddie’s hall, and he could hear Carla reading the closer he got to Chris’s room. He stopped right as he got to Chris’s room. He leaned against the wall outside Chris’s door and closed his eyes as he listened to Carla as she said, “People who love each other are always connected by an invisible string made of love.”

Buck smiled softly as he heard Chris ask, “Carla, do you have an invisible string?”

Carla answered Chris immediately. “You know I do! And it’s connected right to you.”

“Even if I can’t see you?” Buck frowned. He didn’t like it when Chris was struggling. Not for the first time since the corona virus shutdowns, Buck wondered just how much these lockdowns were affecting the children.

Buck slid down the wall, rested his arms on his knees, and leaned his head back on the wall with his eyes closed and listened intently to the conversation in the other room. “You can see me any time you want on the computer. See, me and you? We’re connected. No matter what.”

Carla read Chris a bedtime story, and Buck could feel himself also drifting. He wasn’t going to sleep, but he was definitely relaxed. Hell, he was more relaxed sitting on the floor in Eddie’s hallway than he was in his own home sometimes. Buck frowned a little at that thought, but he was drawn back to the voice carrying out from the speakers in Chris’s room to Buck’s ears out in the hallway.

“...As they slept, they started dreaming of all the invisible strings they had, and all the strings their friends have, and their friends have until everyone in the world was connected by invisible strings.” Carla paused for a moment. “Night, boys.”

Buck continued to sit on the floor without moving. He was thinking about the strings that Carla was describing. Invisible strings. Who was he connected to through invisible strings? Maddie, Chim, the others at the 118, and as he envisioned being able to see those strings he could see the strings that were the brightest. Obviously, the string to Maddie would be bright and strong. His parents...their strings weren’t near as bright. Buck wasn’t surprised by it really. Honestly, the felt like the string to Bobby was strong...like one Buck would expect connected to someone he looked up to as a father.

The string he was surprised most by, especially since this was just his imagination running away with the story that Carla was telling, was the one connected Eddie. Buck imagined it bright, beautiful, and unbreakable. Beside that string was another one equally as strong but different as it was connected to Buck and Eddie both. That was Chris’s string. Suddenly, that was all Buck could see were those strong stings connecting him to Eddie and Chris. He felt his skin heat, and suddenly he realized that Chris’s room was quiet. He sat there for a moment longer taking several deep breaths. He stood and wiped his clammy palms over his thighs.

He quietly peeked around the door frame into Chris’s room and felt his heart skip a beat. His stomach swooped and there was a strange tightness in his chest as took in the sight before him. Eddie and Chris were both asleep. They looked so peaceful.

Buck had a moment of panic as he looked around to figure out what to do next. Does he just leave them like that? Should he wake Eddie?

Buck realized he was just staring at them sleeping with a smile on his face, and he was sure if Eddie would call him creeper for staring like this as they slept. He really didn’t know when he made the decision to move silently toward the bed and gently ease the laptop off the bed. He quietly closed it and set it down on the dresser. Next, he looked around and finding an extra blanket, he settled it over Eddie. Eddie sighed, and for a moment Buck thought he was going to wake up, but he just sunk down further on the bed and settled in next to Chris.

Buck then went to the next room and found Eddie’s cell phone. He debated what he was about to do, but decided he didn’t want Eddie to oversleep the next morning. Buck had seen Eddie unlock his phone several times so he knew the code. They essentially had the same phone, so Buck went straight to the alarm settings and set one for the next morning. Buck felt a little guilty for it, but he was careful not to invade Eddie’s privacy and set the alarm only. He took it to the bedroom and set it on the table beside the bed.

Buck went and found paper in the kitchen and scribbled a note for Eddie. He walked quietly into the bedroom and left the note next to Eddie’s phone. He turned off the lights and walked out of the room after one more long look back.

The next morning, Buck locked himself up in his room when he got the meeting reminder on his phone. The familiar face of “his lady friend” appeared on the screen, and she said, “Good morning, Evan. How are you?”

Buck smiled, “Hey, Dr. Copeland. I’m doing good.” He looked away and chuckled briefly as he continued, “I’ve actually been...been thinking a lot about what you said in our last session, and how I hide my true feelings from others.” Buck looked at the doctor through the screen and minutely nodded his head. “I’m starting to think you might be right.” Buck couldn’t believe that he admitted it, and it scared the hell out of him. That was the thought that kept circling through his mind during the night. When he left Eddie’s the night before, he couldn’t shake the feeling of loneliness that had threatened to suffocate him. He almost went back into Eddie’s and just sleep on the couch. He had done it before, and he knew Eddie wouldn’t care. He decided it was best to just go home. He still stayed awake most of the night thinking about his last session with Dr. Copeland and how he could no longer deny that she was right. He did hide his feelings from others.

Worse than that, he thinks he had been hiding his feelings from himself as well.

Dr. Copeland just decided to get straight to it. “Okay. Let’s start there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments, and every kudo left brightens my day!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


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